I asked my financial advisor what the key to long-term satisfaction was.

He just sighed and said, 'Honestly, it's usually over too soon.'

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to tease her more in bed.

I said, 'Alright, but you're not getting an orgasm until you finally fix that leaky faucet.'

My girlfriend spent an hour in the dressing room yesterday trying on new pants.

When she finally emerged, she sighed and said, "It was a tight squeeze, and took a lot of maneuvering, but I think I'm really going to enjoy these."

My girlfriend told me she wanted to grow some herbs in the garden.

I told her I was more into deep rooting and extensive ground cover.