I've been dating a girl who's a master gardener, and she's always trying to get me to help her with her roots, especially the ones that are really deep and need a lot of attention.

Now our relationship is really growing, and I'm finding myself getting wrapped up in her vines.

My girlfriend asked if I could help her with her new air mattress.

She said she needed me to really 'pump it up' to make sure it was firm enough for us tonight.

I've been dating a mathematician, and she's always trying to find the common denominator in our relationship.

But it's always reducing to a fraction of what it used to be.

My boss told me I need to stop coming up short on my deadlines.

I told him, 'At least I'm not the one coming early.'