So I was at the park with my kids, and we saw a guy playing fetch with his dog. The dog was really good at catching the ball, but the owner was having trouble throwing it straight. I asked him if he was using a special technique to throw the ball, and he said

he was paws-itive it would improve with practice

I'm trying to start a band, but it's been a real struggle to find a drumstick that's a cut above the rest.

What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry!

I went to the ocean and saw a shell that was having an identity crisis

It was feeling a little shell-shocked