Our CEO said we're a family here, so

I'm waiting for my vacation days to be paid in hugs and apologies for making me work on Thanksgiving.

My boss asked if I had any 'passion projects' outside of work.

I told him my passion project was finally getting enough sleep.

My idea of a 'starter home' is buying a large storage unit.

And just living in that.

My therapist told me I need to find healthy coping mechanisms.

My current one is just doomscrolling Zillow listings I can't afford.