I'm trying to start a family, but the only thing I can afford to nurture is my debt

I just got a raise, but it's basically just an inflation adjustment

So now I can afford last year's lifestyle, congratulations to me

I'm trying to buy a house, but the market is crazy

I've got a better chance of winning the lottery than getting a mortgage with a payment that's less than my student loan

I asked my manager if I could stop coming to meetings that could've been emails, and they said

it's about 'being present' and 'synergy' – code for 'I don't trust you to actually read the email'.