My neighbor called me late last night, frantic. She said she was trying a new position but just couldn't get it to feel right...

...and asked if I could come over and help her properly align the shelves.

My girlfriend told me she wanted our relationship to 'evolve,' to 'reach new heights' and 'explore uncharted territory.'

I thought she meant we should try anal.

I matched with a girl on Tinder who said she was 'fluid' in her sexuality.

I thought, great, someone who finally understands my problem with premature ejaculation.

My dentist told me I needed a deep cleaning.

I told him I thought he was only interested in my teeth.