My girlfriend told me she wanted a man who was good with his hands, like a carpenter.

She said I spend too much time measuring and not enough time nailing.

My girlfriend told me she wanted something for her birthday that she could ride all night long.

So I went out and bought her a Peloton.

I've been taking private lessons from a professional seamstress, and she's been teaching me how to make a perfect stitch, get in deep, and really pull it all together.

Now I can finally finish that torn pair of pants.

My girlfriend told me she wanted to go on a really wild adventure in bed.

So I told her, 'Great, let's try not faking it this time.'