My personal trainer told me I needed to focus on deeper stretches.

I told him I was already doing my best to get them in every night.

I've been dating a girl who's really into astrology, and she told me our love was written in the stars.

But honestly, I think our love life is more like a lunar cycle – it's all about the phases, and sometimes it's just a dark void for weeks.

I told my date I was a master of seduction and could make any woman swoon.

She just laughed and said I was just a bass player.

I told my girlfriend I was thinking of taking up a new instrument.

She said, 'Why? You already have one, and you barely know how to play it yet.'