My girlfriend told me she loves foreplay.

I told her, 'Great, because I usually need about an hour and a half just to get my socks off.'

I've been dating a professional taxidermist, and she's been teaching me about the importance of stuffing and mounting

But honestly, it's been a real challenge to get her to relax her grip

I was helping my neighbor prepare her garden last weekend. She said we needed to get down on our knees, really open up the soil, and plant some fresh seeds deep into the fertile ground. She even said the longer and harder we worked, the better the yield would be.

It was exhausting, but by the end of the day, we had a magnificent bed of tulips ready to burst.

My piano teacher told me I needed to work on my fingering.

I said, "I'm trying, but not on a keyboard."