What did the guitar say to the musician?

Pick on someone your own size!

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

I was at the store today with my kids, and we saw a big display of bread. My kids were excited to pick out a loaf for our dinner, and as we were looking at the different types, I started thinking about how bread is the foundation of many meals.

I guess you could say it's the 'root' of all food!

So I was at the coffee shop this morning, and the barista accidentally spilled some coffee all over the counter. He looked really flustered and apologized profusely.

I told him not to worry, because sometimes you just gotta *espresso* yourself.