I love how marriage is all about finding someone who accepts you for who you are

until you leave the cap off the toothpaste, then suddenly you're a completely different person

We designed our wedding seating chart with scientific precision.

Mainly to keep Aunt Carol and Uncle Bob in separate time zones.

I asked the happy couple what their secret to a harmonious marriage was, and they told me it's all about compromise.

Which is just a nice way of saying they're both still learning to pretend to listen to each other.

I thought I knew my family well before planning our wedding.

Turns out, some relatives are like volatile chemicals; best kept in separate containers on the seating chart.