I'm having a grape time at the wine tasting, but it's a crushing experience.

I took my car into the shop the other day because it was making a weird knocking sound under the hood. The mechanic spent a long time listening carefully and checking all the hoses and belts.

He said he needed to do some intensive car-diology.

I was at the beach with my family, building an epic sandcastle with moats, towers, and a big flag on top. As we were finishing up, a strong gust of wind came by and knocked over our masterpiece. My kids were really upset, but I just smiled and told them

don't worry, it's just a grain of sand off our backs!

We were on a road trip last weekend, driving through some farmlands. My son pointed out a huge bull in a field, fast asleep under a big oak tree, and asked me what I thought it was doing.

I said, 'Well, if it's sleeping, then it's a bulldozer!'