I'm shell-shocked by how much I spent on seashells at the beach today

So I was at the park with my kids, and we saw a guy playing fetch with his dog. The dog was really good at catching the ball, but the owner was having trouble throwing it straight. I asked him if he was using a special technique to throw the ball, and he said

he was paws-itive it would improve with practice

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.