He put in his profile that he was 'over the drama' and wanted a 'no-fuss, chill' girl.

Then he spent our entire first date explaining why his last four relationships were 'crazy'.

I bought a new dress today that actually had functional pockets.

For a split second, I felt like I'd won the lottery. Then I remembered I still had to carry my purse for all the things that wouldn't fit in those 'functional' pockets.

He said I was 'too picky' because I wanted a guy who could hold a conversation and, you know, ideally have a job.

Meanwhile, his dating profile said 'seeking a woman who's naturally gorgeous, a gourmet chef, and loves watching all 8 seasons of my favorite anime.' Pretty sure we have different definitions of 'picky,' fellas.

I was at a coffee shop the other day, meticulously arranging my scarf, latte, and phone to achieve peak 'effortlessly chic' aesthetic.

Meanwhile, my brain was just frantically trying to recall if I turned off the curling iron.