My male colleague got a promotion and immediately started delegating all the 'team morale' tasks to me.

Apparently, my natural ability to remember birthdays and organize potlucks is now considered a 'leadership quality.'

I bought a new pair of jeans that actually have real, functional pockets.

I've been carrying my phone, wallet, and keys in them all week, just walking around the house, marveling at the sheer novelty.

My morning commute isn't just traffic.

It's the opening credits of my own indie film, complete with a custom soundtrack, dramatic lighting, and me staring pensively out the window, knowing that *this* is the montage where I find my true calling.

I've been trying to learn how to say no without apologizing,

but so far I've only mastered saying 'I'm so sorry, no' without apologizing for the apology.