I love how some guys on their dating profiles claim they're 'passionate about travel' and 'love adventure.'

Turns out 'adventure' means driving an hour to a different state's Buffalo Wild Wings.

I was at the grocery store, buying avocados for my toast, and I thought to myself

I'm not just purchasing produce, I'm making a poignant statement about the fleeting nature of millennial trends, and the camera pans out as I dramatically declare, 'I'll take a dozen, and a side of existential dread.'

His dating app bio said he was an 'adventure seeker looking for his partner in crime'.

Turns out, his biggest adventure was choosing between regular and extra-spicy mayo for his chicken sandwich.

I've started using a habit-tracking app to monitor my daily routine

Now I'm not just procrastinating, I'm also collecting data on how good I am at procrastinating