I used to think 'finding yourself' was a journey of self-discovery.

Then I got married and realized it's mostly a journey of finding the remote control after my wife's been using it.

They say marriage is like a TV remote control.

In the beginning, you're both fighting for who gets to hold it. After a few years, you're fighting over who *has* to get up and find it.

We tried to create a wedding budget, but it kept escaping from us.

I think it's now funding its own spin-off wedding in a different city.

On our first date, I meticulously planned every detail, ironed my best shirt, and practiced witty banter.

Now, for 'date night' at home, my main concern is whether these sweatpants have enough elasticity left for a second helping of pizza.