I'm thinking about starting a family.

But then I remember climate change, and I just buy another houseplant.

My therapist told me I need to embrace vulnerability.

So I immediately bought a weighted blanket so heavy I can barely move.

My doctor asked me about my long-term health plan.

I told him, 'Well, if things don't pick up, I'm just researching the best prices for my organs.'

My company scheduled a mandatory 'brainstorming session' on improving work-life balance.

I was too burnt out to even show up to a meeting about having more time.