I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update,

but my manager said that would undermine the 'synergy' we create by all staring at each other in silence for 15 minutes.

I've been doing the work in therapy to improve my attachment style

Now I'm just anxiously attached to my therapist.

I just got a raise, but it's all relative

because now I can afford ramen noodles twice a week instead of once

I finally finished my masterpiece.

It's a spreadsheet tracking all my subscription services.