I asked my boomer dad for advice on buying a house

He said 'just work harder and cut back on avocado toast', I said 'dad, I'm a freelance writer, my only income is from avocado toast reviews'

I've been working really hard to build my personal brand.

Turns out my personal brand is just 'tired.'

My therapist asked if I did my journaling homework.

I said, 'Yes, I journaled about how I didn't want to do my journaling homework.'

My biggest fear isn't dying.

It's having to pay for the funeral.