My neighbor, who's a master gardener, told me the key to a thriving patch...

...is knowing exactly when to go deep, get dirty, and give it a good watering.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional arborist, and she's always trying to get me to branch out and try new things in the evening

What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A man will actually look for a golf ball.

My girlfriend wanted to try role-playing in bed last night.

I told her I'd be the mailman, but she'd have to wait outside naked and I'd just leave the package on the porch.