My manager told me to 'optimize my passion' for the company.

But honestly, my only passion right now is optimizing my sleep schedule.

I'm trying to buy a house, but my budget is tight

I've got a 500k mortgage and a 5k salary, I'm basically just renting money from the bank at this point

I'm really committed to 'doing the work' in therapy.

So committed, I've created an elaborate mental filing system for all the healthy habits I'm actively *not* doing.

My boomer parents told me to invest in real estate.

Now my single houseplant counts as my entire property portfolio.