I was having an existential crisis about the future of humanity.

Then I remembered I have a group chat dedicated to complaining about rising gas prices, and suddenly everything felt a little more manageable.

I told my therapist I've been struggling to practice self-compassion

So she charged me extra for being mean to myself during the session

My therapist asked me what my five-year plan was.

I told her, 'Survive and maybe afford therapy for another five years?'

My idea of 'investing in real estate' is now just buying a really nice tent.