I finally feel like I'm really adulting.

I just paid rent and immediately felt the urge to take a nap on the floor.

My therapist asked me what my five-year plan was.

I told her, 'Survive and maybe afford therapy for another five years?'

My therapist suggested I find a hobby to de-stress.

So now I just stress about whether I'm monetizing my hobbies enough.

I asked my manager if I could stop coming to meetings that could've been emails, and they said

it's about 'being present' and 'synergy' – code for 'I don't trust you to actually read the email'.