My male colleague just got promoted for 'seeing the big picture' and being a 'strategic thinker.'

I'm still trying to figure out how to put 'remembered everyone's birthdays AND organized the entire company potluck' on my performance review.

I tried to streamline my morning routine to get that 'effortlessly chic' vibe.

Now I just spend twice as long making it look like I didn't spend any time at all.

I saw a guy's dating profile that said he was looking for someone 'natural' and 'low-maintenance.'

And I thought, 'Oh, great. So I'll just skip the *full* eleven-step skincare routine tonight and only do seven.'

I took my car in for a routine oil change, but in my mind, it was a pivotal scene in my biopic

So, I monologued to the mechanic about the symbolism of dirty oil and the struggle for personal growth, and now I'm pretty sure he's rooting for me to win an Oscar