My friend, who's a master woodworker, told me the key to a really strong joint...

He said you have to get it perfectly aligned, drive it in deep, and apply plenty of pressure for a solid finish.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional architect, and she's always trying to redesign our sex life.

Now every time we hook up, it's a blueprint for disaster.

A man and a woman walked into a bar, and the bartender looked up and said, 'What is this, some kind of joke?' The woman smiled and said they were on their first date, and the man had promised to show her a great time.

So he pulled out a condom and said, 'Let's get started on the main course.'

My piano teacher told me I needed to really 'finger' the keys with more passion, get my 'rhythm' just right, and make the whole piece build up to a powerful 'climax'.

I think he just wants me to practice my sonata.