I've been dating a girl who's a sex therapist, and she's always trying to diagnose our problems in the bedroom.

But honestly, I think she's just trying to bill me by the hour.

I've been dating a girl who's really into astrology, and she told me our love was written in the stars.

But honestly, I think our love life is more like a lunar cycle – it's all about the phases, and sometimes it's just a dark void for weeks.

My girlfriend told me she wanted our relationship to 'evolve,' to 'reach new heights' and 'explore uncharted territory.'

I thought she meant we should try anal.

I've been taking private lessons to improve my penetration skills

Now I'm a champion archer