So, I was trying to order a pizza last night, but the delivery driver kept getting lost on the way. He called me three times asking for directions to my house.

I guess he just couldn't pizza together the route.

What did the guitar say to the musician?

Pick on someone your own size!

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because it was feeling crummy.