My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her 'knight in shining armor' in the bedroom.

So I showed up in full plate mail and spent the next hour trying to figure out how to get my dick out.

I told my new barista that I like it when she really gets in there and starts pounding and grinding, then finishes it off with a nice swirl of cream.

She just looked at me and said, 'Sir, this is a coffee shop. We just make lattes.'

My new masseuse told me I was too tense.

She said I needed to really relax and let her get in there deeper.

I've been dating a girl who's into ghosting, which is weird because

I'm starting to think she's just into haunt-ing me after sex.