My 'main character energy' is so strong, I don't just 'run errands.'

I'm performing a meticulously choreographed montage of purposeful strides set to an empowering indie soundtrack, culminating in me dramatically slamming my trunk closed and driving off into the sunset, even if it's 2 PM and I'm just going home with paper towels.

He told me he was too busy to text back sometimes because he was 'really focused on his hustle.'

Then I saw his Instagram story of him rating different kinds of frozen pizza for an hour.

He complimented me by saying, 'You're so chill, not like other girls.'

And I just nodded, thinking, 'Buddy, my 'chill' is 90% emotional exhaustion from dealing with guys like you.'

I spent a solid hour this morning making myself look 'effortlessly put together.'

Which means I've now got about a three-hour grace period before humidity, gravity, or my own face decides to stage a coup.