What's a vampire's favorite fruit?

A neck-tarine!

We were on a road trip last weekend, driving through some farmlands. My son pointed out a huge bull in a field, fast asleep under a big oak tree, and asked me what I thought it was doing.

I said, 'Well, if it's sleeping, then it's a bulldozer!'

I'm trying to start a career in baking, but I'm struggling to knead the dough.

I'm shell-shocked I forgot to buy eggs at the store.