My morning commute isn't just traffic.

It's the opening credits of my own indie film, complete with a custom soundtrack, dramatic lighting, and me staring pensively out the window, knowing that *this* is the montage where I find my true calling.

I'm not just running late for work, I'm

orchestrating a thrilling, against-all-odds, commute-as-action-movie sequence, complete with a pulse-pounding soundtrack and an Oscar-worthy monologue about the tribulations of public transportation.

I love how some skincare products claim to be 'anti-aging' as if they're not just delaying the inevitable

He told me he wanted a woman who was 'driven, intelligent, and takes care of herself.'

Then he asked if I could come over and just 'hang out' while he played video games for our second date.