My main character energy is so strong, if I accidentally spill coffee on my shirt...

...I don't just grab a napkin. I freeze, look directly into a non-existent camera, and whisper, 'Is this... my life now?'

I just got feedback in my performance review that I need to 'soften my communication style.'

Apparently, 'Here's the problem, here's the solution, let's implement it' is now considered a hostile takeover bid.

I went on a date with a guy who claimed he was a 'free spirit' on his profile

Turns out, that just means he's 30 and still living with his parents

I went to the DMV to renew my license, but I didn't just wait in line

I was waiting for my cue, rehearsing my lines, and perfecting my 'determined citizen' monologue for when they called my number