He asked me on a first date what my ideal lazy Sunday looked like.

I spent a solid minute debating if I should say 'mimosas and a farmer's market' or 'binge-watching true crime in sweatpants, possibly still wearing yesterday's mascara.'

He told me he was 'super busy' and 'just couldn't commit to anything serious right now.'

But judging by his Instagram stories, he seemed to have plenty of time to perfectly arrange six different artisanal cheeses on a charcuterie board for himself.

He told me he was an 'entrepreneur' and looking for someone to 'grow with him.'

I went to his apartment, and his 'business' was reselling used video games, and 'growing with him' apparently meant helping him sort his laundry.

I swear some guys on dating apps say they want a 'low-maintenance' woman.

But then expect her to show up looking like she just finished a photoshoot. Honey, my 'low-maintenance' look involves dry shampoo and a prayer.