I went on a date with a guy who claimed he was a 'free spirit' on his profile

Turns out, that just means he's 30 and still living with his parents

My morning commute isn't just a drive to work.

It's a high-stakes, character-defining journey, complete with a 'struggle montage' playlist and a wind machine (my car's AC on full blast).

I went to the grocery store to pick up some milk, but as I was walking down the aisle, I felt the urge to add some flair to my shopping experience.

So, I started voicing my inner monologue out loud, 'I'll just grab this gallon of 2%... the choice of a woman who's given up on love, but still holds on to hope... and also needs cereal for the week.'

My male friends can leave the house in five minutes flat.

I need five minutes just to locate my 'everyday' purse, which usually contains a rogue earring, three different chapsticks, and the entire emotional baggage of my 20s.