My rock climbing instructor told me I needed to improve my grip.

I told him, 'Funny, my girlfriend always tells me I've got a fantastic grip.'

My dentist told me I needed a deep cleaning.

I told him I thought he was only interested in my teeth.

My girlfriend told me she wanted our relationship to 'evolve,' to 'reach new heights' and 'explore uncharted territory.'

I thought she meant we should try anal.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional audiologist, and she's always trying to help me find my frequency.

But honestly, I think she's just trying to tune me out in bed.