My new painting instructor told me I needed to learn how to apply just the right amount of pressure.

She said, "And remember, sometimes the best results come from a long, firm stroke."

Why did the man name his dick 'Cashew'?

Because every time he got excited, it went nuts.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her 'knight in shining armor' in the bedroom.

So I showed up in full plate mail and spent the next hour trying to figure out how to get my dick out.

I've been taking private dance lessons from a professional instructor, and she's been teaching me about the importance of proper mounting and dismounting techniques.

Now I can finally do the salsa without getting tangled up in my own feet.