This Valentine's Day, I'm celebrating by getting into a long-term, committed relationship.

With my couch and a streaming service. We're very exclusive.

Cupid must be a terrible shot.

Because every February 14th, my arrows are pointed directly at the discounted chocolate aisle.

Why did the rose go to therapy on Valentine's Day?

Because it was feeling a little prickly about its relationships

Why did the chocolate go to therapy on Valentine's Day?

Because it was feeling a little melted under the pressure