My morning commute isn't just me stuck in traffic.

It's the opening scene of my gritty urban drama, and every car around me is just an extra in my carefully curated B-roll.

I saw this influencer talking about her 'simple, five-minute morning routine' for glowing skin and inner peace.

Mine involves hitting snooze seven times, staring blankly at the ceiling for two, and then frantically trying to remember where I left my coffee mug.

My date told me he loved how 'effortless' I looked.

I almost choked on my perfectly-crafted oat milk latte, knowing my 'effortless' bun took three attempts, a handful of bobby pins, and a silent internal scream.

My internet connection went out for five minutes yesterday.

Five minutes. And I didn't just call tech support. I stood at my window, rain gently misting the glass, whispered 'Why, God, why?' to the heavens, and penned a 4-act play about the fragility of modern existence.