I just spent 20 minutes staring blankly at my fridge.

Not because I was hungry, but because I was calculating the optimal day to buy groceries based on expiring coupons, my work schedule, and the lunar cycle.

I was having a particularly mundane day, so I decided to spice things up

I started narrating my trip to the DMV, complete with a dramatic voiceover and an imaginary film score – 'As she waited in line, the clock ticked away, each passing minute a reminder that her destiny was being held hostage by a bureaucratic abyss'

I love buying clothes online.

It's like playing a fun game of 'will this make me look like the model, or a potato wearing a sack?'

I saw a guy's Tinder bio that said he was a 'dog dad' with a 'heart of gold'

But his only photos were of him holding someone else's dog