Why don't secrets last long in a garden?

Because the potatoes have eyes, and the corn has ears!

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

I'm addicted to placebos — I could quit, but it wouldn't make a difference.

So, I was organizing the pantry the other day, going through all the dried fruit. I picked up a bag of prunes and couldn't help but notice how... well, seasoned they looked.

I almost asked them about their life story, but I figured they'd just give me a dry one.