I told my wife she was going to start a tree-mendous gardening career

but she just wanted to branch out and try something new

I took my cat to the vet because it was having some issues with its whiskers

The vet said it was just a purr-manent condition

So I was at the store today with my kids, and we saw a huge display of eggs. The kids were cracking each other up, making jokes about eggs, and we started talking about omelets and scrambled eggs. I asked the store manager if they had any special deals on eggs, and he said

they were egg-cellent values

Why was the computer cold?

Because it left its Windows open.