I went to the grocery store yesterday, and the self-checkout machine started beeping at me.

I silenced it with a stern glance, then dramatically placed my final item on the scale like it was the detonator in an action movie.

My apartment building just installed those new high-tech package lockers where you scan a QR code to open them.

And every time I go down to get a delivery, I walk like a secret agent, dramatically scanning the code as if I'm disarming a bomb, even if it's just my subscription box of artisanal cheeses.

My morning coffee isn't just a caffeine fix.

It's a carefully curated montage scene, complete with a soulful indie soundtrack and me staring pensively out the window, probably about to write a groundbreaking novel or crack a cold case.

His dating profile said he was looking for a woman with a 'great sense of humor.'

Turns out, 'great sense of humor' just meant 'someone who thinks *his* jokes are hilarious, no matter what.'