I swear some guys on dating apps say they want a 'low-maintenance' woman.

But then expect her to show up looking like she just finished a photoshoot. Honey, my 'low-maintenance' look involves dry shampoo and a prayer.

I saw a guy's Tinder bio that said 'Dog dad seeking same'

Like, are you looking for a girlfriend or a playdate for your bulldog?

My printer jammed at work this morning.

I didn't just unjam it; I treated it like a high-stakes bomb defusal, narrating every precise, delicate movement, knowing one wrong flick could mean... paper cuts.

I went on a date with a guy who claimed to be a 'feminist'

but his podcast playlist was just 12 hours of Joe Rogan