My coffee machine decided to stop working this morning.

So, I stood there, dramatically caressed the cold metal, and delivered a five-minute monologue to it about betrayal, loss, and the cruel indifference of a world without caffeine, as if I were starring in a prestige drama.

He spent 20 minutes on our first date explaining the basics of my own job to me.

I just smiled and nodded, because apparently, listening is 'attractive' when *I* do it.

I was at the grocery store, dramatically navigating the cereal aisle

when I realized I was narrating my own life in a Morgan Freeman voice, 'And so, she reached for the oatmeal, a choice that would change her day forever'

I went on a date with a guy who said he was 'really into photography'

His camera roll was 90% selfies and 10% poorly lit meals