My boss told me he was concerned about the stiff competition we were facing.

I told him, "Don't worry, I always perform better when I'm stiff."

My new nutritionist told me to make sure I get a good, deep swallow with every meal.

I told her I already do that, but usually with a different kind of protein.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to 'take her breath away' in bed.

I said, 'Honey, I thought we agreed we were done with the chokeholds.'

I've been dating a professional librarian, and she's been teaching me about the importance of cataloging and shelving our desires.

But it turns out, her favorite position is still 'between the stacks'.