I love how our company says 'we're a family here'

except when it's performance review time and suddenly I'm a foster kid up for adoption

I've been searching for a affordable apartment

but it seems the only thing I can afford is a participation trophy for trying

My boss said 'we're a family here,'

which explains why I'm always doing unpaid emotional labor.

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update, but my manager said

that wouldn't be 'collaborative' – code for 'I like hearing myself talk'.