I saw a guy's Instagram story where he called himself a 'free spirit'

but his posts were just 12 identical pictures of his beard from different angles

My favorite pair of jeans are the ones I bought three years ago because they were 'a little loose.'

Now they require a full body exhale and a prayer to the denim gods just to get past my knees.

My therapist told me I need to find healthy ways to de-stress and just 'be present.'

So I tried a guided meditation, but my brain spent the entire session mentally listing every chore I'd be neglecting by being present.

I saw a TikTok where a woman showed her 'five-minute, natural glow' makeup routine.

Five minutes for her, maybe. For me, that's five minutes just to decide if I even *need* to put on a bra today.