He told me he was looking for a woman who 'challenges him.'

And I thought, 'Great, I can start by challenging your assumption that 'tidying up' means moving things from one flat surface to another.'

I've started using a meditation app to help me relax before bed

Now I'm just competitive about how well I can relax, and I'm pretty sure that defeats the purpose

I've been noticing that guys on dating apps love to claim they're 'dog dads'

but their profiles only have pictures of the dog, and I'm starting to think the dog is the one swiping right

My favorite pair of jeans are the ones I bought three years ago because they were 'a little loose.'

Now they require a full body exhale and a prayer to the denim gods just to get past my knees.