Why did the man name his dick 'Cashew'?

Because every time he got excited, it went nuts.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional welder, and she's always trying to get me to help her join two pieces together in a strong and lasting bond.

She says it's all about the penetration and the heat of the moment.

I've been dating a professional upholsterer, and she's been teaching me how to reupholster our love life.

Now we're stitching together a strong relationship, one layer at a time, and it's getting deeper with every seam.

My girlfriend told me she wanted to try some 'kinky stuff' in the bedroom last night. She pulled out a blindfold, some ropes, and a feather duster.

I asked her, 'So, are we having sex, or are you just finally going to clean that dust bunny under the bed that's been watching us?'