Alright everyone, as I get ready to carve this magnificent turkey, I just want you to know...

...I always try to stay 'ahead of the carve!'

What's a turkey's favorite type of music?

Anything with a good drumstick beat!

In my family, we don't have a traditional Thanksgiving dinner

We just have a bunch of dishes that our relatives argued about making, and a turkey that's just relieved to be the one thing we all agree on

At our Thanksgiving dinner, the only thing thicker than the gravy...

...is the silence after my cousin asks if anyone's seen his ex-girlfriend.