My family's Thanksgiving dinner is the one place where

the only thing we pass around the table more often than the mashed potatoes is criticism.

Alright, folks, before I start carving this magnificent bird, I just want to say...

This turkey is really *fowl-play*ing with my emotions!

Alright, everyone, the moment of truth has arrived for this magnificent turkey.

I just hope I don't *fowl* up the carving.

Why did the turkey refuse to join the school band?

Because he already had drumsticks!