My dad's idea of retirement is

spending 40 hours a week in the garage, but now he's getting paid in satisfaction instead of a paycheck.

I asked my dad what he loved most about being a father on Father's Day, and he thought for a moment before saying

it wasn't the teaching, the guiding, or the providing – it was the fact that I still think he's cool, even when nobody else does.

My dad insists his BBQ isn't just a cooking appliance.

He calls it a 'precision meat delivery system' that requires at least three separate thermometers and a spirit level.

I got my dad a smart thermostat for Father's Day, thinking it would put an end to his temperature tinkering.

Now he just complains that the future isn't warm enough.