I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update

but my manager said that would 'kill the synergy' – code for 'I love hearing myself talk'.

I told my boss I needed a mental health day.

They asked if I could 'reframe that as a productivity retreat'.

My boomer parents told me to invest in real estate.

Now my single houseplant counts as my entire property portfolio.

My manager told us to 'find our why' in this challenging quarter.

My 'why' is definitely the direct deposit.